So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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