Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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