I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
