420 ftw
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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