He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
