When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
areolas are like halos for boobs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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