how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
