hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
