but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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