Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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