remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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