I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
