non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
