Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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