Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I deserve this hangover.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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