are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
