at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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