Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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