Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
