spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
