i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
