guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize