i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
