Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
