i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
