Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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