Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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