my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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