did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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