Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
