Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
