there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
