He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
