I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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