Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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