dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
