Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize