woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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