My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
