Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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