Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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