You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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