we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
