i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
