when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
