every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
