Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
