A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize