I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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