tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
