Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
