He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
meet me or not, i'm out of control
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
