I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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