My room smells like vodka and shame
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize