I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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