Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
