lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
