Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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