I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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