I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
