Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
