we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
