its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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