It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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