It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
