yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
