the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
