i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
