Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
