Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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