we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
