Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
