I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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