So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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