She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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