I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
