he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
