I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
