I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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