have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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