He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
