I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
