Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
