I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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