D3 body, D1 cock
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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