I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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